Recognized specialists, authors of I stop being afraid!, Already a bestseller in bookstores, give us their advice to “reconnect with our inner child”.
Where does fear come from?
Fear always belongs to our history, our childhood, and wakes up whole areas of our experience. Tahar Ben Jelloun, a French-speaking Moroccan writer and poet, said well: “Fear is the child in us who panics”.
The child that we were, and who was not necessarily accompanied in his fears, ends one day or another by reliving them in his adult life.
Our “monsters of the closet”, as Marie-France and Emmanuel Ballet call them, come back sooner or later and handicap us in an insidious or totally paralyzing way.
It can range from the fear of leading to the fear of expressing oneself in public, to the fear of being betrayed in love. Fears are multiple and prevent us from moving forward.
To thwart the pitfalls of your anxieties of all kinds and finally tame them, Marie-France and Emmanuel Ballet offer five tips from their book I stop being scared!
Better breathe to get out of fear of your body
Breathing is a natural act, but in a situation of fear, it happens that we forget to do it. For the authors of I stop to be afraid!, “Fear does not tell the truth”, it creates very strong visual and auditory sensations that we believe.
In reality, we are in the interpretation. We imagine for example that a friend blames us, when in reality, just take the risk to talk to him to understand that this is not the case.
According to Emmanuel Ballet , “in reality it is an unconscious content that goes back to the surface and goes beyond us, modifying our perception of reality. Someone tells us something, and we understand the opposite. Fear is the sister of the imagination.
Tip: When fear overwhelms us, we enter a sort of trance. To get out, the authors advise to breathe fully throughout our body, imagining that the breathing takes place gradually at the feet, then the belly and finally the torso.
Fear is like excitement, but without breathing. Breathing well will therefore reduce the feelings and feelings that make us lose control.
Most: Taking a step aside to get away is a small ritual, a psycho-bodily very strong. The goal ? Give truth to our fear by reproducing it physically, with our body.
Doing this step aside allows you to take the distance to concretely leave your fear on the side.
Ask yourself to understand: who is afraid in me?
When fear arises, we have the impression that our whole being is paralyzed. In fact, only a part of us is afraid and takes power.
The child in us panics, and may be afraid of a professional or sentimental failure, to displease, to go against the ban. To overcome these fears, we must first of all listen to its fragility to take care of this part of us that has not been heard.
Tip: Emmanuel Ballet advocates symbolizing his fear by taking an object to represent it. In this way, by putting the fear outside, we can ask him: “Who is afraid in me? “. Like a blanket, our object (keychain or real soft toy) will represent this fear that we will be able to visualize and listen to.
Identify one’s desires and needs in each fear
Although it is excessive and disabling, and it does not tell the truth, fear can become an ally. It’s an alarm to be more self-aware, more empathic. If we coax it, it will allow us to feel alive and to dare more.
Tip: Marie-France and Emmanuel Ballet suggest always remembering that behind every fear, there is a desire and a need.
Rather than taking fear as an isolated element, it must be remembered that it is related to parts in itself, and related to particular needs. Many people stop at their symptoms without naming them.
To move forward, we must put words on our fears to understand them. Note that if your fears are transformed into real anguish disabling daily, it is better to consult for outside help.
Example: If we say “I’m afraid of failing an exam”, we must go beyond the simple statement “I want or I need to pass this exam”, identifying its needs.
In this case, desire is a personal success, and the need is related to the quest for recognition and self-confidence. So, knowing why we are afraid, our attitude will change and we will feel